coming out
by loveispeculiar
Summary: Veronica's conflicted, Betty's catching on, an after an accident Veronica is feeling compelled to confess her feelings.


_"Have you?"_

_"Maybe once."_

Archie's question hadn't stopped echoing in Veronica's head. It's been over a year, and she's never truly answered that question. Not to anyone. Not Betty, not Archie. Not Reggie. Not Josie.

It was about love, of course. Looking through her old New York photos, the ache in her chest feels very much present.

She had been in love before. She'd even said 'I love you' before Archie. Since that fleeting seven minutes, though, no one had asked. That suited her.

Now, though, knelt on the floor of her room, she wants to relive those moments. She misses being so in love she'd do anything, and she misses - well, she misses Maya.

Blonde hair, soft brown eyes, freckles over her nose and cheeks like stars in a night sky. That's what Veronica had thought, anyway, before they'd kissed for the first time. And the second. Despite Veronica's hard New York exterior, she'd never had it in her heart to be mean to this girl. It took her a few months to realise why. Maybe they were just kids, in the end, but it their relationship turned out to be the most loved she'd ever felt.

Except, perhaps, by Betty, but Betty Cooper was a strict case of look-don't-touch. Betty has Jughead, and Veronica has Archie. It's all perfectly tied up. Even if Veronica still has a thing for blonde girls wearing flannel.

_"Hey, you."_

_Veronica smiled at the girl sat before her, and took her usual seat opposite._

_"Good day?" Veronica asked._

_"It is now you're here."_

_Veronica felt herself blushing, and ducked her head. She didn't do shy, she was Veronica Lodge - but she felt different now. Here._

_Maya reached across, and her hand brushed Veronica's - it was like a movie, with sunlight and the smell of waffles and a quaint little table with flowers and candles and everything was okay._

"Ronnie, are you okay?" Veronica frowns, and looks up. It's Betty. She's in Pop's.

"Yeah, I'm - I'm good." She's very aware of Betty's hand on hers, and the concerned look on her face. Like she cares, really cares.

"You seemed to zone out for a while there, are you sure?"

"Yeah." Silence hangs in the air for a moment as Veronica pulls her milkshake closer and takes a sip, Betty watching her closely.

"Is everything okay with you and Arch?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Veronica almost snaps, and Betty looks taken aback. "Sorry. I'm just... I'm... I don't know."

"Talk to me." Betty is imploring, and her brow is creased slightly in concern.

"I really don't know what's got into me." Veronica shakes her head, and laughs a little. "For the rest of the evening, I'm all yours, Betts." She offers a smile, and Betty returns it, eyes sparkling in the neon lights. Veronica feels a tug in her chest. "You're cute."

"Thank you, Ronnie." Betty squeezes Veronica's hand, and then retreats to take a fry from the basket between them. Veronica sighs. _Not like that_.

It happens again. Lying on Betty's bed, staring at the lacy peach canopy, with Betty's crown of blonde hair in her lap.

Then it's Christmas. She idly played with Maya's hair with the TV playing reruns of FRIENDS in the background. Except she wasn't, she's with Betty, and Betty doesn't like her like that, because Betty only loves Jughead like that and it's the same as the way Veronica's supposed to like Archie but she doesn't really. Archie is great, but staying in the closet and only ever getting to date ever-preoccupied, sweaty football players isn't fun any more. Neither, though, is coming out, because they'll ask why she kept it a secret when they're supposed to be friends, and hate her for dating Archie even though she loves him but it doesn't fit any more, and Betty will know, and everything will be bad and just like in New York.

She moves her hands away from Betty's hair, only to realise that Betty's asleep. Veronica sighs, and settles back into the pillow. Maybe Betty has the right idea.

Two weeks later, and Veronica's in the hospital at one thirty-two in the morning, each second passing agonizingly slowly. It's her, Jughead Jones, and the Coopers - except Betty. There was an accident. A car accident. It's been hours. Betty's unconscious still, as far as they knew.

At one fifty-six, a serious looking doctor comes out to talk to Alice. Their conversation is hushed, and takes forever.

Thank God, Betty's going to be fine. She hit her head, but she'll be out of hospital by the day after tomorrow.

The shock has just about worn off Veronica by now. Her nerves are calmed by the relieved announcement that "_she'll be okay, everything's okay_." The guilt is setting in; Betty could have died, and she'd never have known how Veronica felt. What if she'd be uncomfortable around her? Veronica loves Betty, more than - more than anyone, including Maya. But she would rather Betty knew the truth, the whole truth, so she could make up her mind about whether or not she still wanted Veronica in her life. Veronica doesn't know if she could live with herself if something happened to Betty and she didn't know. She turns and leans against a cheap-looking table behind her, steadying herself against the confusing rush of emotions, as if they were going to derail her at any moment. Also, she's struggling to keep her eyes open now the adrenaline's passed.

"You doing alright, Veronica?" It's Jughead. His skin is paler than usual in the cold fluorescent lighting - or maybe it's just the stress of tonight. He looks exhausted.

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah."

There's a tense silence.

"I'm so, so glad Betty's okay," says Veronica, allowing her eyes to flutter shut for a moment as she breathes out. It's nice to say it out loud. Betty's okay.

"Me too." Jughead hesitates, still hovering awkwardly over Veronica's shoulder. She turns, leaning her back against the table instead, and gives him a tight smile. "You don't seem happy." Jughead observes, as though offering to let her talk.

Veronica shakes her head. "Don't worry, Jughead."

"Well, I kinda am."

"It doesn't concern you."

"We're friends."

Veronica pauses, fiddling with her necklace. "If I were keeping a secret, would you all be mad at me?"

"Depends what secret."

"Never mind," sighs Veronica. It's too much. Especially for tonight. Her heavy eyelids aren't making her feel any better.

"I hope you're okay. I'm here if you happen to need anyone." Jughead turns, and goes to sit back down.

Veronica feels worse.

"Ronnie!"

Betty's giggling as Veronica throws popcorn at her. It's been three more weeks.

Betty's much better. Veronica, on the other hand, feels the guilt of her Big Secret twisting inside her like a snake.

Veronica relents, and snuggles down under the blanket. At the other end of the sofa, she can feel Betty brushing away stray popcorn.

"You're mean, Ronnie."

"You know I love you really, Betts." Veronica looks away as she speaks. She feels her eyes getting hot. It's really not the time for this. There's silence as Veronica blinks at the screen, trying to hold back her emotions. She feels Betty looking at her, and looks over, and musters a smile.

"Ronnie, what's wrong?"

Betty's eyes are so wide and blue and worried. _Fuck_.

"Nothing," laughs Veronica.

"V. Please. Jughead said you were off too." Veronica bites her lip and looks away. "Talk to me, V. Please."

She can't exactly say no. Not to Betty.

"I've been struggling with something."

Silence. Betty's waiting for more. Veronica tugs at a loose thread on the edge of the blanket.

"I had a girlfriend in New York. I don't know what my sexuality is, but I loved her in a way that I haven't been able to love Archie. He's amazing, but he's... I don't know." She steadies her breathing, and allows Betty a minute to think. "I think I might like someone else. Me and Archie... we're not really together now, but I feel so bad. He's so sweet. I just don't know what to do."

Veronica doesn't dare look at Betty. A few short eternities pass before she speaks.

"V, I support you. You know that, right?" Betty sounds a little hurt, and Veronica squeezs her eyes shut and nods.

"I know. It's just hard."

"I get it, Ronnie." Betty takes a deep breath. "Are you - do you - can I ask?" She waits for Veronica's indication before continuing. "Is it me? Is that who you like?"

Veronica gets up with a start. This was a bad idea. She's Old Veronica again, ruining everything, and everyone would leave her just like before. "I should go. I'm sorry, Betty. I'm sorry."

All of a sudden, Betty's stifling a smile, and as Veronica begins frantically searching for her phone, she's laughing. Veronica frowns. She doesn't get it. She shoots Betty a reproachful look.

"V, I'm sorry, but I don't care if you have a crush on me or whatever. You're allowed to. I've kind of suspected for a while. You're still my best friend, if you still want that. But you're being very dramatic about all of this."

Veronica stops moving and stares at Betty.

"You don't - you don't mind?"

"Of course not, V. I think - I think that if you'd told me this a while ago, before Jughead, things might have turned out different. But as long as you respect me and Juggie now, then everything's fine."

Veronica's shaken. She didn't think it would be like this. She thought it would be like it always was: "_I'm sorry, Veronica, but I can't stand to be around you any more._" But Betty likes her, somehow.

It's different to how it always is.

Veronica exhales; she lowers herself back onto the couch.

"Is everything actually okay? It hasn't felt okay for a while."

"Of course it is, V. Everything's good. I'm glad we can talk. I'm proud of you."

Betty's okay. Veronica's okay. Maybe everything wasn't as bad as it seemed. Maybe - _hopefully_ \- she can move on.


End file.
